Saturday, July 9, 2011

And last night I finally snapped

Hey folks, hope your all doing well out there and keeping the faith in our fight against greed and tyranny.  Yesterday (Friday) was a gorgeous day in Madison, a little bit hot but not too bad really.  Large puffy clouds graced the sky and people seemed to be in fairly good spirits here in America's dairy land.  I filled my day in the normal hectic manner of racing back and forth between protesters and hunger strikers, between politicians at the city, county and state levels. 
In between I was racing between libraries on my bad moto-scooter as my laptop is still in the shop (no hurries, no worries Steve) being repaired.  So as you can imagine the library system with their free to use computers and Internet access has been a significant boon to myself, as it has been to so many other people.  The only issue being the one to two hour time limits allowed by any individual library daily, hence the running all over town whenever I need to research or post anything.

I have gotten fairly use to this though, that is one thing this whole movement against Scotty Walker has been good at is adapting and overcoming hardships and challenges.  After a typical ten to twelve hour day spent defending Wisconsin from her internal and external enemies, I decided to take a break with some friends and spend the evening at the Fete De Marquette, one of the nicer east side Madison summer community festivals featuring some truly great live music.

I made my way through the crowd and slammed down a couple of Mountain Dews, which is unusual for me, adding that caffeine to my already high coffee intake.  Not finding my friends and assuming they were in one of the crowded  dance tents where I normally would not dare to tread because I have all the dancing skills of a fish out of water, I decided to make my way back downtown instead.

The capitol square was buzzing with activity as folks were busy preparing for the Saturday farmers market, a huge weekly affair here drawing tens of thousands of folks.  There I found Hallis Mailen, our brother on hunger strike and sat down to spend some time with him.  As we were conversing and discussing media relations and ways to possibly improve on our efforts we were joined by one of Hallis' medical attendants, who came to check on his blood pressure, vitals and basic disposition.  I had seen her before briefly as she appears once a day to quickly check Hallis out.  I thought this was a wonderful and very helpful thing for her to do and had briefly wondered if she was a med school student though that didn't seem very likely.

As Hallis and I were discussing strategy and the young medic was checking his blood pressure, the subject of some recent coverage in the New York press came up regarding this most recent hunger strike.  I told Hallis that like him, I had been to busy to have come across and read the article myself, having so many other things going at once.  The young lady taking his blood pressure then looked at me with the most pompous and vainglorious expression Ive seen outside of senate republican chambers, looked to Hallis and asked him "Do you have any other media people to help you besides this one?"

Holy poop Batman, holy cow and for the love of the funky Buddha!  Did I even hear that correctly?  From her smug and holier than thou look I must have.  I was utterly stunned for several minutes.  It wasnt until after she left that my thoughts caught up to me.  Here I am having survived my own hunger strike, having fought the repugs in the senate, the assembly and the Joint Committee on Finance, fought the cops, befriended the cops even after laying one out and maintained their respect.  Having dealt with drunk frat boy idiots and tea party thugs and goons armed with all manner of weaponry and tactics.  Having maintained nearly (not quite) peaceful discipline throughout, day after day, arrest after arrest and winning victory after victory for Wisconsin and her people and some little hippie chick who isn't even old enough to walk into a bar criticizes my conviction and loyalty to the cause?!?!?!  Are you freaking kidding me?  I do this upwards of a hundred hours a week no matter what the cost to myself physically and otherwise, and this little punk chick who is nice enough to volunteer fifteen minutes a day calls me out?!?!?!!?  I stood in front of Scotty Walker and the Fitzgeralds themselves and although repulsed was able to maintain myself.

It was as if all the negative things that I had been suppressing for the last four months or more just came uncontrollably pouring out of me.  I felt my blood pressure sky rocket.  My muscles tightened until I swear my shoulder blades were touching and smashed together.  Frustration and moral outrage overtook me and it was all I could do to just try and sit there quietly and shake until it had passed for the most part.

I had so many evil thoughts in such rapid succession, it was like nothing I could remember ever experiencing.  I wanted to run down the street and grab her off her bicycle and shake her like a rag doll.  I wanted to place my hand over her forehead and somehow channel all of my rage and pain and experience and frustration into her and burst her ignorant little balloon and leave her a remorseful and sobbing puddle in the dirty city streets.

Scotty?  I was just so surprised to be personally attacked by one of our own.  And now I feel bad for having been caught off guard like that.  I should understand the ego and determination of youth better than that.  I should know myself and my state and presence of mind better than that.  I should know how to deal with these things automatically and without conscience thought.  I should...................

                                                     KNOW YOUR ASSHOLE

and in light of all the angry and horrible thoughts that I directed towards this young girl last night.  For not maintaining my faith and devotion against this now seemingly minor challenge, I am making myself my own official ASSHOLE.  I wont tell you to what exact levels my hateful thoughts had arisen but in honesty I will say that they involved some mean spirited intent.  And for that reason I am bestowing this asshole status on myself.  It pays to know when your pushing yourself too hard.  It pays to know your limits and weaknesses.  And as I have said before here readers, it pays to:

                                                    KNOW YOUR ASSHOLE

I do feel better now that I got that out in the open though, if you want to you can save yourselves the trouble of nailing me with the p.c. negative feedback for this posting.  I am already way ahead of you on that score and it would take you too long to catch up to me.  So having laid those cards on the table I am going to close this posting and get back to work for democracy.  In solidarity my sisters and brothers.

On Wisconsin!    FORWARD!!!!


kks said...

so she thought you were a "media people" ?? more ignorance...unfortunately something that one will have to deal with when you put yourself "out there".
don't be too hard on are following a passion, you are putting yourself out there and having your voice heard! I,and many others, are inspired by your endurance and fight for democracy! keep fighting, keep putting yourself out there, keep doing what you are doing...your voice IS being heard!
i think your blog is a very healthy way to express yourself and i really enjoy your writings! hang tough Matt!
in solidarity!

frogette said...

Keeping a Cool Head: I read your post today cerefully and reflected on it. Matt my friend, I think you ended up directing all your anger and frustration with Scott Walker, the Fitgeralds, Senator Ellis, Dishonorable Prosser, Kathy Nickolaus, and all the other evil characters of Walkerville on one young lady. Yes, she was a twenty-something snob, and yes oftentimes the young (20's and 30's) come across to us with a "know-it-all" arrogance" that is hard to believe, whether they be chip-off-the-block Republican sons or one of our fellow protestors. But you had the presence of mind to acknowledge she was taking care of Hallis' health, and that is very good. You could replace her with another volunteer if you wanted, couldn't you? You have done amazing work for the Movement, you know it, I know it, and lots of other people know it. My heartfelt advice to you would be to go back about a week or so when I commented about Stress and Burn out, when I said protestors need to care for themselves and each other. You are no longer starving yourself of food, but maybe you are unintentionally starving yourself of care for yourself. Maybe gentle massage, aroma therapy, listening to mellow music you love, laid back music fests, or even dancing! would be good for you. I know it can't be easy to break away for a moment now - Wisconsin is coming up on pretty intense Primary elections. But take care of yourself. Peace, Matt. Peace, Madison

frogette said...

The Winds of Revolution: I was watching a Brazilian movie at home today, and saw the lead character reading an 1800's style paper, and for some crazy reason, it made me remember for the first time in decades, since I was in grade school, learning about an American Revolutionary in the end of the 1700's who published a protest paper that was extremely popular in the American colonies, and helped fuel the Revolution to declare Independence from British tyranny. That man was Thomas Paine, and the paper was "Common Sense". I tweeted today the first line from his publication "The Crisis": "THESE are the times that try men's souls", and I added [and women's] souls.. This looks like Wisconsin today, and the tyranny today is the neo-Republican Plutocracy, rule by the wealthy. I used the term neo-Republican, because Joe Biden said a few days ago that this current Republican Party is not, as he said "Your Father's Republican pary, it is a new one. Many people are now using the term "neo-conservative". But back to Thomas Paine, for a moment. There is debate about whether he is the predecessor of a Conservative or a Liberal. It doesn't really matter. You have to admit that the publication of "Common Sense" was pretty important to the establishment of OUR NATION. I wonder, will there soon be, or perhaps, is there already? an equivalent of "Common Sense" that will bring the Middle Class of this Nation together againt this neo-Conservative Plutocracy? Forward, Madison

frogette said...

A Compliment: I hope you don't mind kks, if I compliment your comment on Hungry Guy today. But I really liked you comment!

kks said...

Frogette, thanks! I know Matt from the local protest scene. I first remember meeting him in the Capitol during his hunger strike. He has been relentless in his pursuit of the truth and exposing the lies. I rely on people like Matt to keep me in the loop!
Matt, you are a good and compassionate man, fighting the fight that most of us don't have the guts to do! I support the front line.... fighters for democracy! (Matt, Hallis, Jeremy...and others)
I do what I can, when I can for the fight! This is far from over and we need to pace ourselves for the long haul!
The next couple weeks are big......