Tomorrow the G.O.P. will try to (once again) attack the great state of Wisconsin by introducing an invasive species to Madison in hopes of disrupting our natural habitat here. That species is the semi-domestic Alaskan Caribou Barbie. Known as a aggressive and relentless predator/parasite hybrid, the Alaskan Caribou Barbie is a symbiotic beast that hunts in connection with other species to bring down its prey.
This approach to hunting is unique to this species and scientists are still studying this unusual creature and its habits. The caribou barbie doesn't initiate hunting its prey but rather waits quietly and patiently much like a drone bee, until its dominant male master (usually a wealthy older male) instructs it to attack the prey animal which could be either an individual or even an entire and diverse group.
Having cornered its prey the caribou barbie then attempts to stun and confuse its quarry with repeated cross-purpose utterances and ravings. Once the prey is sufficiently stunned, the caribou barbie then verbally injects a slow acting poison directly into the mind of its victim, causing it to cease upper brain function and become controlled by thirty second sound bites of nonsensical emotional rhetoric.
Please if you love Wisconsin, I beg you to be in Madison on the Capitol square tomorrow by noon to help us deal with this dangerous and invasive/unwanted creature. Preliminary studies indicate that a combination of large numbers and loud noises (cow bells, whistles, chanting, car horns etc.) may be enough to turn back the caribou barbie and drive it away from its new intended territory. Together we can eradicate this terrible and unwanted pest from our state.
Speaking of unwanted pests, Gov. Scotty Walker is planning his own new attack on Wisconsin. Scotty and the GOP have raised enough money outside of Wisconsin to start a whole new war on the state. Using outside money and outside influence the Republican Governor has been caught sneaking in some new legislation that mirrors Michigan's 'economic martial law' bill. Essentially Walker is trying to give himself the power to declare any city, town or municipality a 'economic crisis zone', once he declares a crisis at the place of his choosing martial law takes over. That means that the city or town's elected leaders are stripped of all governing powers and Scotty Walker would then pick one of his Corporate Boss's men to take over that town or city and rule it without any checks and balances, and without any input from the people. You wont be able to vote, you wont have a voice in government and you wont have a choice but to comply. Under 'economic martial law' citizens would only have two courses of action those being either, full compliance without question or complaint or, be stripped of your holdings and imprisoned.
If we allow that to happen Walkers first likely step would be to take over the city of Madison making himself a one man government by putting one of his well heeled puppets in command carrying out Scott Walkers orders and whims. It wouldn't probably be long before Republican stormtroopers will march in force across the turf at Lambeau Field in a show of force announcing that the Green Bay Packers and any other unionists organizations including anyone who supports freedom of speech or democracy will be destroyed.
It's your call Wisconsin, either stand up for yourself now or be literally ground under the jackboot of conservative corporate oppression. Frankly it seems like an easy choice to me. As they say out east "Live Free or Die", personally I would rather fight and die as a human being than live as a worm/slave under the conservative fist.
For those of you who would just as soon be a slave to oppression I've included below, a recipe for a cocktail that should make the change over from freedom to slavery more palatable for you. A little pain killer so to speak for your soul.
SCOTTY WALKER SCREWDRIVER
13 parts of "The KoolAid"
1 part sloe gin
666 dashes of the bitterest bitters
1 jigger of formaldehyde from the jar with Hitler's brain in it that Walker keeps in his office.
Enjoy folks...........................also my thanks and apologies to Jello Biafra
On Wisconsin! FORWARD!!!!